Run Johnny, Run!

3 Nov

In the last couple years, you may have noticed a change in Johnny Depp’s roles. When Johnny Depp was in his twenties and even his thirties, you had to love almost all his movies…

  • Edward Scissorhands (1990)
  • Cry Baby (1990)
  • Benny and Joon (1993)
  • What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993)
  • Ed Wood (1994)
  • Donnie Brasco (1997)
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  • Sleepy Hollow (1999)
  • Blow (2001)

Of course he had some crappers in those years, like Secret Window…what garbage. For the most part though, you loved his quirky and memorable characters. Then in 2003, Depp starred in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.  I’ll admit the first Pirates movie was pretty enjoyable and Johnny Depp was awesome as Captain Jack Sparrow.  Pirates gave Johnny A list status and mainstream success.  Soon after Depp decided to sign a multi-movie contract with Disney.  Then ruthless Disney tricked lovable Johnny and unjustly imprisoned him in a series of unwanted sequels and family friendly movies. Don’t believe me? Then believe the evidence.

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Exhibit A: Forced Sequels

There were not one or two Pirates movies, but four. FOUR! Who needs that many? I read an interview where Johnny Depp said he took the role of Jack Sparrow because “he wanted to play a pirate.” Yeah, I’d like to be a pirate too, but not consistently for seven years. After seven years of pretending to be a pirate, you should be institutionalized.

Exhibit B: Affecting His Mental Health

In a break from filming one of the horrible Pirates sequels, we got to see Depp in Disney’s 3D version of Alice in Wonderland. This is one of the most overrated movies I have ever seen in my life. The characters are horrible; the effects are lackluster. Depp’s Madd Hatter was a psycho; cute and happy one moment, angry and evil the next and Tim Burton, what were you thinking? I sometimes wonder if Depp was offered to Disney by Burton as a sort of human sacrifice.

Exhibit C: Unfair Treatment

In the last few months, there has been buzz that Johnny Depp would play the lead role in Disney’s The Lone Ranger. Depp’s been dying to play The Ranger and has been working to make the film a reality for years. But guess what Disney did? They cancelled filming saying that the cost was too high at $200 million. I’ll agree that’s a lot of money, but how much did all the Pirates movies cost?

Exhibit D: Freedom of Speech

Johnny latest flick The Rum Diary was released in theatres last week. The Rum Diary is based the Hunter S. Thompson novel of the same name and focuses on fictional writer Paul Kemp and his time at an ill-fated sports newspaper. Ahh yes, Johnny returning to his beloved Hunter S. Thompson. Though this movie has received some press, from the trailers it is obviously not a family friendly movie.  Content includes drugs, sex and most importantly rum. Unfortunately for Depp, Disney disapproves of this movie choice.  It came out in August that Disney put a clause in Johnny’s contract forbidding him from discussing The Rum Diary to ABC and its affiliates.  The clause was put in his contract so that The Rum Diary does not compete with the Pirates movies. Right…because they are such similar movies. The only things these movies have in common are Johnny Depp and a love for rum.

In conclusion, we must do everything we can to save Johnny from Disney.  Yes, he made a mistake.  He saw dollar signs and unlknowingly signed his life away, but we all make mistakes.  Try to boycott Disney movies, go see all Johnny’s low budget flicks and write Johnny letters in his penthouse prison. Give him hope.  Let him know we are trying to save him.

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