Archive | October, 2011

Elvis and Nixon

26 Oct

Cary Elwes famous for Robin Hood: Men in Tights and The Princess Bride will be directing his first full length feature film about the visit that Elvis Presley paid to President Richard Nixon.  Interesting idea.

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Totally Recalling

19 Oct

The other day, I was talking to a friend about all the awesome 80s action stars.  We talked about Jean Claude Van Dame, Stephen Seagal, Sylvester Stallone…and then we came to the always polarizing Arnold.  As I expected, my friend went on a tirade about how overrated Schwarzenegger is:  “Arnold can’t act”, “He’s not attractive”, “He’s a bad politician” and my new personal favorite “He’s a cheater”..ohhhhhhhhhhh.  A male action star a cheater? NEVER! I’m not going to pretend Arnold’s some kind of angel and that the media portrays him in a bad light. Please, have you seen how Arnold acts in Pumping Iron?   What I wanted to get across to my friend was, who really cares?  All big action stars have done scandalous things. The problem is that people don’t remember what our heroes did in the 80s and 90s.  Well, allow me to educate you…

Jean Claude Van Damme

JCVD is one of my first childhood crushes because nobody can pull off a mullet like him.  But what horrible things has he done other than teaming up with Dennis Rodman in Double Team?  At one point in his career, JCVD spent upwards of $10,000 a week on cocaine. His cocaine addiction ended more than one of his five marriages.

Steven Seagal

Portrait of Steven Seagal

Douche!  Admit it.  You know he is.  I can’t think of anything really horrible that Segal has ever done other than be a complete doucebag.  Look at the way he dresses and that stupid ponytail braid.  How embarrassing.  Now, Seagal is  training with Champions John Jones and Anderson Silva: the two biggest jerks in the UFC.

Sylvester Stallone

Stallone has overall been a pretty stand-up guy. You never really hear about him in the tabloids or any stupid things he has said or done to the paparazzi. Keep in mind, we didn’t hear much about Arnold till about 4 years ago.  The most you heard about Stallone was during his divorce from actress Brigitte Nielsen.  Yup, the Brigitte Nielsen that dated Flavor Flav.  He was also caught in Australia with synthetic human growth hormones in 2002, which explains why he’s insanely buff at 65.   My favorite seedy thing about Stallone is that he starred in soft core porn in 1970.  The porn was released when Sly got famous under the title, The Italian Stallion. Hehehehehe

Monster Brawl

14 Oct

Monster Brawl was screened at the Calgary International Film Festival’s Black Gala a couple week ago as part of the Late Night Series.  Monster Brawl features 8 mythological creatures divided into two categories: the undead and creatures.  These monsters face off in a WWF style fighting tournament to the death so one can be named as the ultimate monster!  Cheesy huh?

In the creature category we have Witch Bitch (best name ever), Swamp Gut, Cyclops and Werewolf.  For the undead the fighters are Zombie Man, Lady Vampire, Frankenstein and Mummy.  The narrator is the always awesome Lance Henriksen and the movie also stars Art Hindle, Dave Foley and Herb Dean.

So I think from the title and the content it’s easy to say Monster Brawl is not for everyone.  It’s low budget,  really low budget.  The director, Jesse T. Cook, said that the budget was $350,000 and that everyone who helped got a credit in the movie including their mothers.  It has what some would call “gruesome moments” including a drawf getting his head punched off, a werewolf having his head torn in half and people getting eaten by zombies.  The plot is non-existent but oddly enjoyable.  For each monster there are snippets of how they came to the Monster Brawl Fighting Tournament.  Some of the clips don’t make sense…no one really cares though.  Perhaps the best one is of Witch Bitch being recruited by her dwarf Fight Manager.  The cut scenes are obviously done with someone’s personal computer even so they are not too bad.

My only complaint is that it was about 30 minutes too long.  Almost every movie does that ( Transformers 3 at 2 HOURS AND 34 MINUTES).  Directors have to start considering the content of the movie.  Lord of the Rings is epic and should be long…Monster Brawl not quite as epic.  One can only be amused by low budget monsters for so long.

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